I have just finished reading Philip Norman’s brilliant biography of John Lennon (John Lennon: The Life). I mentioned my initial reaction (when part way through) earlier and wondered at the sheer complexity of any single life.
What comes out of the book is the sadness of Lennon’s complex make up. Damaged by all sorts of relational deficiencies, he grew into an angry man who directed his anger at any convenient target. Yes, it also produced some wonderful music; but it caused such terrible pain for him and anyone near him.
But, if it is hard not to read the book without a grudging sympathy for Lennon himself, it is impossible to emerge without serious doubts about his treatment of his first wife, Cynthia, and his first son, Julian. The book ends with a reflection by Lennon’s son with Yoko Ono – Sean – but conspicuously has no similar contribution from Julian. I wonder why.
The sins of the fathers are visited upon the following generations, we are told. If Lennon was (mis)shaped by his own parents’ choices, then why did he so easily treat his own son so poorly? I came out of the book wondering about the damage done to Julian, but unable to find anything on the internet to fill this gap in my own understanding.
Given this complexity in one life, one family and its effects on generations, it makes it utterly remarkable that anyone anywhere manages to get through life in one piece without causing too much damage somewhere along the line.
July 29, 2009 at 12:00 am
I haven’t read the book.
Even when people are (mis)shaped by their own parents’ seemingly inexplicable choices, it doesn’t always follow that they will make the conscious decision not to do the same to their own children as most people are not sufficiently self reflective or given to analysing such situations, and it is easy to blame one’s parents (I’ve seen this happen in my own family – the parents did their absolute best for a very troubled person whose condition was not their fault).
Copying is a natural part of human nature as we do it from early childhood but unfortunately it also means we pick up bad habits or behaviours that we replicate later in life.
It takes an extraordinary amount of character and self determination to overcome negative aspects of childhood but there are plenty of utterly remarkable people who do.
John Lennon was a flawed but fascinating character – just like the rest of us.
July 29, 2009 at 6:42 pm
A writer friend of mone sums up the dilemna perfectly.
” Being human isn’t easy”
July 30, 2009 at 11:23 am
I’ve spent a lot of time and effort attempting to address some of the emotional damage caused by my parents and other adults during my early years. It isn’t an easy thing to do, and I think that there will always be some scars.
I look at how they were treated by their own parents, and I do wonder at the way things have worked out. Some of my parents (I have four–my biological parents divorced and remarried soon afterward when I was quite young) were treated extremely badly by their families growing up. Comparing that level of physical and emotional violence with what they did to me, I am amazed at how much better they managed to behave toward their children and step-children. And some of my parents were treated quite well, as far as I can tell, but still managed to hurt me.
I don’t think I’ll ever know all the details. I try to remember that no matter the outcome, the people who raised me were doing the best they could with the resources and information they had at the time; they made good choices and bad ones, they did things that were loving and supportive and they did things that were destructive and hurtful, but the mistakes were the result of ignorance and fear and pain, not malice. Knowing that makes it easier for me to let go of unhelpful and defensive patterns of thinking and to see the kindness and compassion which some people (including my parents but also many others) have shown me. Seeing that, I can’t help but want to pass it on. I may have had some kicks I didn’t deserve, but the people who picked me up and dusted me off and showed me that I could keep walking are a great blessing.
Being in pain doesn’t excuse causing pain to others, but understanding that people lash out when they are hurting helps me to deal with the results in a way that I hope is more constructive.
July 30, 2009 at 11:33 am
I agree with you. That’s why we need more mercy, given the sheer complexity of being human.
July 30, 2009 at 4:38 pm
In Christ we are destined to maximize our future and become all that God our Father intended us to be! A difficult, time consuming and life-long process; but one benefit of salvation is experiencing the healing power of Jesus to restore us to wholeness.
Anne.
September 15, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Hi Nick, here’s the link to my post on Lennon’s comments about Christianity made in his 1966 interview with Maureen Cleave, including the ‘We’re more famous than Jesus now’ remark. http://bit.ly/2rkxbZ .